Today

Today, I feel refreshed. I feel good. I took some time for me and intended it to be for me. I recruited a friend and just had a good day. Friends. Nothing more. No thinking if he was interested in me, no thinking about where it was going to go. Just eating and talking - being real. Thank you Taylor. It was fun. I had such a great time. I say this, because I realized the other day that I am nearly incapable of seeing, being around, or talking to a single guy without weighing his potential immediately. It is my biggest flaw. I am stuck in this judgement mode from the moment I meet them because I so badly want to be in that place. I can't shake it. I hate it. I didn't do it with Taylor, but when we walked into the coffee shop, I was sizing up every "eligible" male in the place and comparing them. I need to stop. For me, there is the "Joe" scale - do they compare, could they compare... To quote myself - It is ridiculous! I think I am finally in a place to do it. I am going to send him the "letter" and the pages. Its time he knew what he does to me, and it either needs to stop or develop. I am tired of being in the place we are. I might lose the hope I have, but it will be healthy for my heart and my mind.