I'm definitely falling. Falling in love with a boy. Falling in love with an idea of a boy. Falling. That's all I can say. I want to hear it from him, that we are an item, a thing. Exclusive. He won't mess around with other girls. It's hard. He's there, I'm here. But that's what I think we need. We need to build the emotional connection, the get to know you stage. The physical connection is there for sure. Nobody could deny that. He can't deny that. But how long do you wait? It's been 7 years! He can't commit... Or can he? He owns a house. He figures stuff out, but it's hard to jump into one girl forever, especially when you can't dent she's the one. Is this what he's thinking? I wish I knew what he was thinking. I always push too hard and they run away. I don't sant him to run away. But how do I let him know what I am feeling and find out what he is feeling if I don't push a little? He's closed off a little, he doesn't share unless you push. I just don't want to go too far because I think, I know, I hope he's THE one. Help!

How do you know hes the one? What if I'm not his one? How can there be soo much chemistry but no commitment? I want to be with him so terribly bad, but the timing is always off. It's been 7 years. SEVEN! Hard to believe. But there is still a spark. It just needs the fuel to make it burn. Can I get some of that fuel, please? I am in some aspects tired of waiting. If not for him in particular, for any him that can ce THE him. I want a family and a home that is my own. I want to wake up and have him there. I want to go to sleep knowing he isn't going anywhere. I want family game night and laughs and special moments. I want romance and mystery and everything. I want someone to call me their own. I want my identity in another. It's belonging, being wanted, desired. I want that connection, that security. I want the ups and downs and inside outs. The bad, the good. Why am I set to wait soo long? You know this is my desire. Reveal to me the one. Give me that relationship. Shine the light in this area of my life. I don't want to be alone anymore.

Why do we want to fall in love so badly? Why do we long for that companionship of another person til death do us part? Why does it seem so out of reach for some of us? I truly long for the day that I can have a best friend to share every detail with...the goods, the bads, the ups and downs. I want a home and a big family and I can only begin to dream of what it is like. I also feel like it will only ever be a dream.

Um yeah. Sorry. It's been a rough few weeks. Hospitals and car wrecks, but completely unrelated. So I think I am in love with a boy who will never commit. And he is texting. So I must get back. I'll fill you in and let you know what is up in the air later.

I am having such a rough day today... Or yesterday to be technical. I essentially broke up, if we were even dating, with my dating site match. Truth is we have been talking for months and have gone out and I thought he could be it. Based on his profile, he didn't want to play games and wanted a serious relationship. Well today, he just can't commit. Oh wait... could it be because I won't fool around or whatever you kids call it these days. Well, this, along with watching the bachelor Jake, discard the super nice girl for the one he would rather sleep with, has propelled me into the inevitable truth that I may in fact be single forever. Everything in the world right now is telling me that if you are nice and only want to sleep with one man forever, you won't get the final rose...

Lost in looking for love...

So, here I am, almost thirty years old, without a job and without a husband, boyfriend... So I have decided to do something about it - write. I am a fanatic of the romantic comedy and am sorely dissappointed each time one of the stories plays out in my life and I don't get the typical romantic comedy ending. I am still single, you see. I have decided to take action and find that guy (maybe with some help, please) and chronicle my life as each romantic comedy I watch comes to life.

First lets get a few things straight. I do believe in the happy ending, love at first sight and all of that other mushy stuff. I just can't seem to get it right. I am over-eager and over-analytical in everything that I do. I really do expect things to be perfect and just fall into place. A reality, I am learning, that doesn't always happen. I am hopeful though. I know it can happen and I am determined to let it happen to me. I am certainly keeping my eyes, and heart, open.

I don't know how I am going to do it yet, but I plan on channeling my many years of romantic comedy experience into finding "the one". As I meet and date these men, I will let you know how things go and how it relates to the theories found in one of my many favorite films. Lets hope that I can meet some guys...